I can’t believe I’ve had the privilege of calling this little boy my son for a whole year. When we first found out that Kim was in fact pregnant a flurry of emotions came over me. First there was the excitement of having a kid. The self-congratulatory nature of hitting the bullseye as quickly as we did sure didn’t hurt with the excitement. Next was the sudden rush of feeling like we had countless things to do, buy, and build before he or she got here. Then the overwhelming list of things that Kim could and couldn’t eat or drink or do while pregnant. The anxiety and joy of spreading the news to family and friends. Months of morning sickness, countless doctor appointments, and hours of wandering around Babies ‘R Us wondering why things cost so damn much. As things got closer to the finish line, I started feeling like I just wanted things to happen already; I was tired of waiting for the whole thing, and was anxious to get started knowing my son.

Then there was Thursday, February 20th, 2014. We had both taken work off for yet another prenatal appointment. Kim’s sciatica was worse than ever. We had already got the car packed as a “just in case” measure, and even took the camera and laptops with us. The moment that the OB/GYN told us we had to head over to labor and delivery to get a “non-stress test” (which, let me tell you, is incredibly stressful for everyone involved), it suddenly hit me. We were close to the finish line, even though we didn’t yet know how close we actually were. Suddenly the months of time between when we found out that Kim was pregnant seemed like it wasn’t nearly enough time. How could we possibly be prepared to be parents? Just because we had a breast pump, crib, and a car seat, these people were going to deliver a baby and then hand it over to us, as if we knew what we were going to do once we got home.

Shortly after we got settled in our room, the idea of not being ready quickly subsided, but wasn’t completely subdued. We had medical issues to deal with, centimeters to count, as well as friends and family to keep updated. Then, things very suddenly and rapidly picked up. Within moments we went from wondering where and when things were going to progress to there being a flurry of activity in the room.

And then he was here.

While I’d be lying if there weren’t moments since his first breath of air and that first shallow cry that we weren’t completely over our heads, the three of us survived and have countless memories that we won’t soon forget. We’ve passed countless milestones, from the moment he could hold his head up on his own to most recently walking more and more on his own. I honestly look forward to seeing and playing with this little man each day. Long and stressful days at work, hours of traffic and commuting, and all the rest all melts away the second I open the door and walk in from the garage and have his little semi-toothless smile staring back at me while laughing and just being excited for me being home. It’s by far one of the greatest feelings ever.

So as I sit here, a year after that jarring yet wonderful night, Hayden asleep in his crib after a long weekend with family and friends, I can’t help but think I’m the luckiest dad in the world (that still feels weird to say).

Craziest stats over the last year

• Milk consumed: 69.4 gallons
• Diapers Changed: 3,079
• Food consumed: 198.72 cups

If 6-8 week ago me could see today me, I don’t know that I would recognize myself. There are a few things that I’ve come to realize over the last 2 months of “being a dad” (not the lease of which is that calling myself someone else’s dad still feels weird).

• For such a small living being, an extraordinary amount of excretions come from him. Almost doesn’t seem like it should be possible.
• The only schedule is the one you don’t anticipate. Want him to eat by 2pm so you can leave by 3? Even if you wake him in time to do so, 3pm will come and go before the car is packed.
• Speaking of a packed car, it feels like moving Kim between Humboldt and Hesperia all over again. We bought a bigger car knowing we would need the room, and yet that still doesn’t seem to be enough. I guess the amount of stuff transported fills all available space, regardless of how much you throw at it.
• Little victories become big deals. Anything from him sleeping for four hours straight to Kim pumping a new record for the day become cause for mini celebrations.
• Speaking of pumping, whoever said “there’s no use crying over spilled milk” wasn’t talking about the milk that was just pumped after 45 minutes at 2am spilling on the counter.

To think that last year around this time we were discussing if this was the right time for use to have a kid and now a year later this little man has totally stole my heart is almost as crazy as the thought of me being someone’s dad. Every day brings with it new victories, new defeats, and new moments that will forever be memories that we cherish. Each day he changes a bit, from growing out of clothes to drinking more milk in a sitting. As new personality traits surface, others diminish. Those moments in the wee dark hours of the morning, from the sighs as he falls asleep to the occasional spit up are going to only be a memory soon. The only console to that is that we will continue to make new memories and have new experiences as he grows.

I couldn’t fathom the love that a parent can have for a child until the moment he was born. Those little eyes barely able to stay open have changed into the eyes that seem like they don’t ever want to close, even when I’ve only got 45 minutes until I have to wake up for work stare back at me. I can’t wait to see what sort of man he grows into.

Crazy Stats

• Milk produced for month 2: 6.45 Gallons
• Milk consumed for month 2: 5.89 Gallons
• Diapers changed for month 2: 289

A funny thing happened on the way to a regularly scheduled prenatal appointment… This entire pregnancy had been fairly easy going. Typical all-day “morning” sickness during the first trimester, great feelings during the second, and typical discomfort during the third. All through this process, Hayden grew nicely, Kim progressed wonderfully, and everything more or less went as planned (with one exception).

Until…

Thursday, February 20th.

We came in for our 37 week checkup and things were all looking good, except Kim had some fairly high blood pressure that wasn’t there the entire pregnancy. In fact, her blood pressure has been fantastic and even improved over her pre-pregnancy stats, until the 20th of February, 37 weeks and 3 days into the pregnancy. As a precaution, our OB/GYN sent us over to the Labor and Delivery wing of the hospital to perform a non-stress test (monitoring the baby and Kim for things like heart beat, movement, contractions, pulse, blood pressure, etc.) as well as going to the lab for some blood tests.

About two and a half hours in, blood pressure was still elevated past “safe” levels, and the lab work suggested that things weren’t entirely right. Contractions were happening at every 2 minutes which is far too frequent for not being “in” labor, even though they were minor in intensity. We were given two options, start induction right now or come back on Saturday for another non-stress test and be induced on Monday, the start of week 38. With the induction process being an “up to a three day” ordeal and with things as close to pre-eclampsia were indicated by the test results and blood pressure, waiting a few extra days at a higher risk and higher anxiety wasn’t a good option.

We chose to start inducing.

Friday, February 21st

Things progressed very slowly. Medications were given, poking and prodding commenced, dilation was almost nonexistent. Dose after dose was given, exam after exam was performed, but nothing seemed to work. The new plan was to use some physical persuasion to get things to open a bit, called a folly balloon. I’ll spare you the details, but it got Kim to 4 cm fairly quickly.

Saturday, February 22nd

Saturday started out much like the previous two days: exams, new treatment plans, and very little progress. Typically with where we were in the induction process, they like to see about a centimeter of dilation and hour. It barely was progressing at a half centimeter an hour. Once we hit 4 cm with the folly balloon, an epidural was given, which likely slowed some of the progress of dilation, but was necessary for the pain that started around this time. After another 2 hours she was at 5 cm and they broke her water to see if that would help progress things along. Another 2 hours got almost to 6 cm. At that point, the doctor said that we are just about to the definition of a stalled labor and that a c-section is highly likely to be in the future. The nurse, who I personally consider to be our greatest champion during this final span of delivery, decided to try some different positioning to help encourage a vaginal birth. She was not only protective of us and kept other nurses and doctors from coming in and interrupting our sleep and Kim’s labor, but she knew how important it was for us to not end up in the OR for a c-section.

Less than an hour after she put Kim in an awkward and uncomfortable position, Kim had me call the nurse in. Kim indicated to the nurse that she had an intense urge to start pushing. She did another exam and she had progressed to just past 9 cm of dilation. The nurse called for the room to be prepped and began getting everything ready for Hayden’s arrival. By the time the room was ready, Kim was ready to go, and Hayden was on his way. About 30 minutes later, Hayden was here, and we thought we were out of the woods.

Shortly after they got a majority of the gunk off of him, the placed Hayden skin-to-skin with Kim while the doctor finished up her process. With only about 2 minutes of skin time, they pulled Hayden off of Kim, wrapped him tightly, handed him to me and had me basically sit in the corner with my newborn son. In retrospect, they figured (and rightly so) that I’d be distracted enough with Hayden that I wouldn’t freak out about what was happening in the room. At some point when I was handed Hayden, an alert button was pressed that caused everyone on the floor to come running. The original doctor that had suited up requested an additional doctor. That doctor was in the OR so a third doctor was paged, both of whom made it to the room at about the same time. By that point at least 7 nurses were in the room and more were waiting outside the door to be runners to the pharmacy and blood bank.

Kim had sprung a leak.

After the placenta had been removed, Kim began hemorrhaging which is why all the people were called in. The bleeding was profuse, but so was the pain. The epidural either wasn’t working as effectively as possible, or the pain was just so much the procedure couldn’t mask it any longer. Units of blood were ordered from the blood bank, multiple new IVs were started, and narcotics as well as additional contraction drugs were given. In the 36 or so hours Kim had been in labor, it tired her uterus to the point that it wasn’t contracting on its own, and instead was causing her to bleed out. Over the course of the frightening 45-60 minutes after Hayden’s arrival, I heard talk go from “are there any ORs not occupied?” to “GET AN OR READY” and finally “I don’t think we’ll need an OR, I’ve got the bleeding under control” come from the trio of doctors. A combination of the additional doses of  induction medication as well as some manual pushing and massaging got the uterus to contract as it should, and the bleeding more or less stopped on its own.

As the people slowly started leaving the room from their stations during the emergency, the primary doctor made a comment that “this is why we like to deliver in the hospital” whenever possible. An unforeseen circumstance in the way her uterus reacted to prolonged labor meant that she could have easily bled out. This sort of problem is rarely seen in first time mothers, and although it can be slightly elevated in labors that are induced, it is still fairly rare.

During the whole process, Kim was fairly out of it. A combination of the shock of what had just happened, the massive blood loss, and the narcotics meant that she was barely able to figure out what was going on. Even after the fact, she would ask a question and half way through the answer would “come to” again and ask the same question. Once the immediate danger and shock of the situation subsided, it was actually quite funny to answer the same question four times in a row with no more comprehension on the fourth explanation as the first.

Sunday, February 23rd

Once Kim was stable enough, we were moved to postpartum and got a a little bit of sleep before the poking and prodding began again just a few short hours later. Then the paper work started to get Hayden a birth certification and social security card and added to our insurance plan and a half dozen other things that had to be done.

For now, Hayden and Kim are happily recovering from their trying ordeal, and with any luck, the three of us will exhaustedly trek back home as we figure out how to be a new family of three.

Vital stats:

• Born 2/22/2014 at 11:19PM
• 8 pounds, 1 ounce
• 20″ long

The last few weeks have seen a flurry of activity. Though not as far along as we thought, Hayden is growing nicely, and a great deal of nursery preparation has been completed. This week, we got some books/storage shelves setup, the first set of crib bedding freshly sewn by my wonderful mother, and the wooden letters hung on the wall. The letters were also hand-painted by Kim and I over the last few nights. We also ordered the nursery chair which will be here in a few weeks. After a few more wall decorations and one last piece of furniture to paint, the nursery will be complete.