Hayden Alexander Franklin – Page 2 – An Awesome Little Gentleman

Being Mr. Mom – Part 2

Posted on August 15, 2014 by Kurtis Posted in Regular Update .

Expectations for the kid

When you first find out that you’re about to be a dad, a lot of thoughts run through your head. Once you get over the initial shock and happiness, you suddenly start thinking of all the things this means. Sleepless nights, bodily fluids, and all the other things that go with raising a newborn. Then, maybe the first or second night of not even knowing what day it is, your mind starts to wander. What’s he going to be like when he hits school age? What will his interests be and will any of them overlap with mine? What’s his first vehicle going to be (it’ll have a seven slot grill if I have anything to say about it), and will he be a good driver?

All of that comes and then you realize, once you’ve caught up a bit with sleep, that you have to learn to temper your expectations and even aspirations. Ultimately, his interests, goals, and life path will eventually be out of your hands, and you just hope you’ve put him on a path that will let him meet his own goals and aspirations.

Expectations of parents

One thing that has dramatically changed seems to be the overall expectations of parents, more specifically the challenging of traditional gender roles. I think there’s a lot of reasons that the traditional gender-based division of household labor (or maybe more appropriately the lack thereof) is one rooted in expectations. The expectation used to be that a woman stays home, and therefore would naturally be the one to raise the kids, and performed the other duties of running a household. But, as time has changed, the “traditional” picture of a family is no longer the one you’d see in a Normal Rockwell painting. And I think that is for the better. Children, and I’d even say especially little boys, though I’m sure girls benefit from it as well, need to have a strong male role model that does more than read the paper at night after dinner and dole out the corporal punishment. Not only are many families more or less required to be a dual-income family, but that has also meant a new division of labor around the house.

I would imagine just a few generations ago (or maybe not even that long ago), the male breadwinner coming home and making dinner, doing the dishes, changing a diaper, and putting the kid to bed not only wouldn’t be expected, but he probably wouldn’t even have had any experience with half or more of those tasks. Try as I might, I still get somewhat surprised when someone of my parent’s generations are taken aback by me changing a diaper voluntarily, or by the look I get when I say I’m in the middle of my 9 week leave from work for taking care of the kid (and that I could have taken 12 weeks).

This also means that I get first hand knowledge and experience with what it takes to raise a kid at home. There are some days where it feels like a victory to even have had the time to take a shower before dinner time, and other days I feel extremely accomplished even though I can’t name more than a few items I did that day. While I think more people understand that the one that is home raising the kids and running the house isn’t a walk in the park, there is absolutely zero chance of me ever asking Kim what she did all day when the kid is young and at home. It’s unfortunate that more don’t get to have this experience.

I couldn’t imagine not being able to spend this much time with my son, and only wish it could be longer and with his mother at the same time. It’s so awesome to be able to spend time with him one-on-one. I know it will be very hard for me to go back to work full time, but I know it’s necessary. He’s such a great little kid, and even if he doesn’t grow up liking the same things I do, I know he’ll still be a fantastic little gentleman that I couldn’t love any more if I tried.

Being Mr. Mom – Part 1

Posted on August 1, 2014 by Kurtis Posted in Regular Update .

As we begin the second of my nine weeks on paternity leave, I’m starting to get a clearer picture of what it’s been like for Kim these past few months. While I’m sure looking after a 5 month old brings different daily challenges as looking after a 1 month old, I’m realizing just how much work it actually is.

Schedules

We’ve been lucky enough to have a kid that loves his schedule. The day following his second full night of sleep, we started a schedule for feeding, that has given way to a basic schedule for other functions, like regular diaper changes, naps, play times, baths, etc. By far the biggest obstacle to having any sort of normal life – for instance going to dinner, meeting up with friends and family, or anything else that requires coordination with people other than the 3 of us – was his feeding schedule. By far the most common conversation Kim and I had during the first few weeks was “when did he eat last and when do we think he’ll eat again”.

Once we started a schedule, we had to stay on schedule. That required us to wake him to stay on track, but trust me, it was totally worth it for us. Other parents have given us the whole “never wake your child” advice, but knowing that he’ll be hungry within 10 minutes of 7pm is worth far more than an extra 15 minutes of a sleeping baby. And this extended far beyond just when a bottle would be needed. Bath time starts with enough time to bath, brush gums, clean ears and belly button, change clothes, and grab a bottle before the hunger really sets in at 7. Since the schedule went into effect, we went from baths being an event filled with hungry crying to a fun time for the three of us to play in the water (and get clean of course).

But now that’s all about to change. Up until this point, this schedule has worked really well because he’s been on milk exclusively. Smaller bottles that are given more frequently throughout the day worked well because they were predictable and easy to plan for, but our little man is growing and his needs are changing. We started noticing that occasionally he’d finish a small bottle, and be perfectly fine and continue on with his day, while other times the end of the bottle brought some whines before he was given a pacifier. We knew he was getting enough to eat overall, but the schedule wasn’t allowing for natural variations in what his body was telling him he should have. Now that he’s older and we’ve got a bit more understanding of what his whines mean, it should be easier for us to figure out what he needs.

From here on out, he’ll be assisting with when it’s time for a feeding, which we hope will help make our nighttime routine a little less of a late night slog.

Entertaining a 5 month old

By far the single most daunting task I thought I would have while watching him full time was the entertainment aspect of his daily routine. Changing diapers, cleaning bottles, feeding, cleaning drool off of things, all of that I thought would be the simple part of watching him full time. It’s the stuff in-between that I was most worried about. What if the tummy time/floor time/toy time was a disaster and it wasn’t nap time, what would I do then? How long can he actually stay in any one mode before becoming completely bored, and would I readily have something else for him to do when he did get bored?

So far, it’s not been quite as challenging as I thought. Between play mats, toys, floor time, swing time, jumper time, walker time, nap time, and bottle time, he pretty much just makes rounds through all of his stuff. Sometimes longer in one than the other, sometimes things just get skipped altogether, but for the most part, he’s just a fantastic little fun kid. I can’t believe how far a little floor time with a toy will go, especially with all of his laughter keeping me entertained as well.

To the future

Our little family is going through a little bit of change right now, but so far the kid has been taking it like a champ. It seems even when he’s not in a good mood, he’ll still let a smile pass through the whining, even if just for a moment. I sure do love that little man.

Parenting a 5 Month Old

Posted on July 22, 2014 by Kurtis Posted in Regular Update .

What a difference a month can make. Not only is Hayden turning into a fantastic little kid, it’s also the start of a new era for him (and us): daddy being home.

Since just before his birth in February, Kim has been off work. His last 5 months of life have been spent more or less with mom always around. Due to a myriad of reasons, Kim will have to go back to work for at least another school year. After Hayden was born, I took a 2 week vacation from work to help get things done while we were both exhausted. Now that Kim’s time to return to work is almost here, my time off with him has begun. I’m taking about 9 weeks off from work to spend time with The Kid, as well as give us the time to figure out the transition of us both going back to work. It’s going to be a very different next couple of weeks for the three of us, but I think it will help us all grow a bit as parents and as a family.

So aside from all of that, our little booger has been growing and continuing to develop a little personality. For what seems like forever now, Hayden has been sleeping through the night. We have a fairly predictable schedule for feeding and most diaper changes, and it’s made us all a little more sane. One of the greatest little parts to my day, is that first 7am wake up. His face lights up at the sight of his mom and I standing over his crib, and even though he’s still sleepy, he puts on what is undeniably one of the cutest little baby faces.

It’s that little face that I feel the need to remember later in the day though. Occasionally, he’ll hit a wall between bottles, naps, and diapers. When he does, no amount of parental attention, toys, sitting, pretending to stand, or any of the usual tricks work. Instead, he devolves into a little fussy ball of whine, and sometimes it’s hard to remember that little smiling face from the morning. But then, just when you think the whining has hit critical mass, he’ll give you this look, a look that I imagine only works on his parents, that hints at what will make this all come to an end. Sometimes, it’s a quick nap on mommy or daddy, other times, an early bottle followed by a nap, or even just a ride in his swing where he’ll take a nap. Basically, the kid really likes naps (much like his old man).

So aside from being a great napper, he’s also had a bunch of “firsts” this month. From his first ride through a car wash to his first 4th of July fireworks show, he’s had a lot of exciting times (for a 4 month old anyway). He’s getting stronger and can hold his head up and look around like he’s been doing it all his life. Rolling over from his belly to his back is becoming far more routine, and standing with the help of mommy and daddy is so much fun, he sometimes forgets to keep his legs pushing down on the ground. He really likes to try and hold the bottles when you feed him, but sometimes he gets a finger or two or four stuck in his mouth at the same time. We’re still working on how the vacuum effect works on his bottles, but we’re getting there. It turns out that it’s far easier for a now five month old to understand that whining can get mommy and daddy’s attention then the concept of negative pressure as a milk delivery system.

That’s it for now, so we’ll do the traditional post finish with some pictures and stats.

Crazy Stats

Milk consumed for month 5: 6.69 Gallons
Diapers changed for month 5: 280

4 Months

Posted on June 22, 2014 by Kurtis Posted in Regular Update .

I think Kim and I are very lucky to have this little man in our lives. Aside from being everything we ever could have hoped for in a kid, we’re also told we got very lucky with how little trouble he provides us. Aside from sleeping through the night, which he does like a champ, he’s also rarely fussy, easy to entertain, and is very easy going. With our feeding schedule, his “input” needs are easy to predict and plan around, and for the most part his “output” is regular enough that the guessing game of “why is my son whining” has become fairly easy as well.

Getting to be this little guy’s dad is just an amazing feeling. Sometimes I’ll just sit him on my lap, and we’ll have a whole conversation about nothing at all in language that presumably only he can understand. He loves to make all sorts of noises and will watch the mouth of the person he’s talking to and attempt to mimic the mouth movements. By far one of the most funny things he does is the facial expressions that he associates with each of the sounds. Sounds that are closer to his cry will cause him to scrunch his face, while “O” sounds require wide open eyes for the full effect.

His laughs have also got far more frequent, but he doesn’t always associate the same thing with laughter. For instance, Kim got him to laugh like crazy while playing a game of peek-a-boo, but the same game played with me resulted in a furrowed brow. You win some and lose some I guess. To a certain extent, he likes surprises unless the surprise is loud and then he’ll probably end up crying. During a rousing game of make noises that make the baby laugh, a quick head movement (surprise!) by yours truly with the sound of a whoosh (loud!) caused a fairly substantial crying session.

By far my favorite thing about him at this age is seeing his personality begin to develop. Aside from the abundance of laughter and easy-going nature, he’s also very interested in colors, shapes, and sounds. Toys that are colorful are nice, if they have an interesting shape they are even better, but colorful toys with an interesting shape that make a noise are even better. His favorites right now are crinkling noises and things similar to crinkling noises. He enjoys having the dogs around, as long as they don’t get too close to his face. He’s also not real happy when it’s too warm in the house (much like myself), enjoys a good nap, and maybe even a long walk on the beach (gotta get that walking part down first).

He also takes a pretty awesome selfie 🙂

Crazy Stats

Milk produced for month 4: 1.25 Gallons (we switched to formula only 10 days into the month)
Milk consumed for month 4: 6.63 Gallons
Diapers changed for month 4: 239

3 Months

Posted on May 24, 2014 by Kurtis Posted in Regular Update .

What a crazy month. Our little man is growing fast. Almost too fast for our liking (though there are some things are really nice to not worry about, but more on that later).

Over the last few weeks, Hayden has started to become more like a little human, and less of just a little human-shaped eating and pooping machine. He’s still a little poop monster that eats all the time, but it’s become far better and manageable. He’s now sleeping through the night (mostly) due in part to our feeding/sleeping/awake schedule.

Getting to bed before 11pm has become more difficult for us since his day runs 7am to 10pm, but the benefits of a 9 hour night for the little guy is a worthy tradeoff. In addition to Hayden sleeping at night, he’s made some other great advances. He’s now got enough control over his head to hold it up all by himself. This also means that when he’s awake, really the only thing he wants to do is sit up and look at everything. For the first week or so, he would only turn his head to the right. This was both funny to watch, and also funny to see him try and figure out how to turn his head further in order to see someone that walked to the other side of him. Once he learned to turn his head the opposite direction, he figured out that he could scan (and re-scan and re-scan) a room. It sometimes almost looks like he’s shaking his head “no” with how much he’s looking around.The nice thing is that this means we can not be quite so concerned all the time about providing full head support all the time.

He’s also getting far better at the various activities that used to be far more “traumatic” to undertake. Things like a bath are now no longer met with tears and cries. The same goes for tummy time, and even more important, crib time. He now spends hours in his crib a day, and for the most part doesn’t require much intervention to keep him happy or asleep.

His personality is also starting to develop. In addition to beginning to recognize voices of people he knows, his laughing and smiling are getting far more voluntary. It’s hard not to just sit there and laugh with him for as long as he’ll be up to it.

Crazy Stats

Milk produced for month 3: 5.52 Gallons
Milk consumed for month 3: 5.75 Gallons
Diapers changed for month 3: 238

2 Months In

Posted on April 22, 2014 by Kurtis Posted in Big Update .

If 6-8 week ago me could see today me, I don’t know that I would recognize myself. There are a few things that I’ve come to realize over the last 2 months of “being a dad” (not the lease of which is that calling myself someone else’s dad still feels weird).

For such a small living being, an extraordinary amount of excretions come from him. Almost doesn’t seem like it should be possible.
The only schedule is the one you don’t anticipate. Want him to eat by 2pm so you can leave by 3? Even if you wake him in time to do so, 3pm will come and go before the car is packed.
Speaking of a packed car, it feels like moving Kim between Humboldt and Hesperia all over again. We bought a bigger car knowing we would need the room, and yet that still doesn’t seem to be enough. I guess the amount of stuff transported fills all available space, regardless of how much you throw at it.
Little victories become big deals. Anything from him sleeping for four hours straight to Kim pumping a new record for the day become cause for mini celebrations.
Speaking of pumping, whoever said “there’s no use crying over spilled milk” wasn’t talking about the milk that was just pumped after 45 minutes at 2am spilling on the counter.

To think that last year around this time we were discussing if this was the right time for use to have a kid and now a year later this little man has totally stole my heart is almost as crazy as the thought of me being someone’s dad. Every day brings with it new victories, new defeats, and new moments that will forever be memories that we cherish. Each day he changes a bit, from growing out of clothes to drinking more milk in a sitting. As new personality traits surface, others diminish. Those moments in the wee dark hours of the morning, from the sighs as he falls asleep to the occasional spit up are going to only be a memory soon. The only console to that is that we will continue to make new memories and have new experiences as he grows.

I couldn’t fathom the love that a parent can have for a child until the moment he was born. Those little eyes barely able to stay open have changed into the eyes that seem like they don’t ever want to close, even when I’ve only got 45 minutes until I have to wake up for work stare back at me. I can’t wait to see what sort of man he grows into.